He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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