Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need a burrito and a hug.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
