just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
