I just cut my nipple shaving
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
