Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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