My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
