I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
