my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
