I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
