Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize