the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
