it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
