You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I checked into jail on foursquare
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize