CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
