I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
