You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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