Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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