Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
