hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
