Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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