Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
