Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
