It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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