I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
