my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize