So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize