And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
