I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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