Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
