It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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