I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
