That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
