i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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