He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
