My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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