just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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