I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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