pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
