The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
True college students do jello shots in the library
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
