Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
