I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
