I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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