Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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