My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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