nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
