I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
