I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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