covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize