Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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