He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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