how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just invented taco cereal.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
