Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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