The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
