I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
His nipple licking is glorious
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