The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
