so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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