Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
