Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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