There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
