Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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