It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
