dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
