That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
