she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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